In the season four premiere of Succession, Tom Wambsgans delivered what might be the most devastating takedown of an accessory in television history. Targeting Cousin Greg’s date and her oversized plaid Burberry tote, he sneered: “She’s brought a ludicrously capacious bag. What’s even in there? Flat shoes for the subway? Her lunch pail? I mean, Greg, it’s monstrous. It’s gargantuan. You could take it camping. You could slide it across the floor after a bank job.”
It’s safe to say that Tom was not a fan. But Lululemon was taking notes. Earlier this year, it officially dropped a palatial vessel literally named the ‘Big-Ass Bag’. It is not an April Fools joke. It is a real, actual tote, with a wild 80L capacity and a water-repellent polyester finish, just in case you’re lugging the entirety of your life’s possessions across town in a downpour. You don’t have to fork out over £2,000 for this particular ludicrously capacious bag either: instead, you can channel Santa Claus for a mere £228.
Many thoughts ran through my mind as I contemplated the Big-Ass Bag. ‘What am I packing for? A polar expedition?’ I mused, as I unfolded it in the office, where it promptly unfurled from its mini bag container (which you can use as an extra clip-on tote in the extremely unlikely event that you run out of packing space) and hit the back of my knees.
Unlike the offending Burberry crossbody in Succession, this bag is unassuming in everything but size, lacking the luxury cachet of an obviously expensive designer tote but, with it, also any accusations of gaucheness. Instead, it favours a utilitarian black polyester shell with multiple sensible external pockets for your water bottle(s), headphones(s) and lunchbox(es). Tom will be relieved, and it’s certainly not for bringing along to your new millionaire boyfriend’s party, but it still left my colleagues astounded on sight. Many wandered over to my desk to check that what they’d just seen was to be believed and that I had, in fact, just unleashed a really large bag. But none of them proffered a suggestion as to where they’d use it.